


Reefer Madness

by Noir_Dix



Series: à la carte [2]
Category: Ghost (Sweden Band)
Genre: Ball Sucking, Cardi on his knees, Cunnilingus, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fellatio, Fondling, Fun in the tub, Monty Python Sings, Porn, Shotgun kiss, Sideways lazy sex, Sudden recall, Thievery, Vampire Mind Fuckery, Vicarious circle jerk, Weed, allusions, rabbit - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-14
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 12:55:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22247479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Noir_Dix/pseuds/Noir_Dix
Summary: Smut does not need a reason - it just is!Sayeth C.S.B. on my fb page...I heart this very much, because in this case, it is indeed so.I tried to throw a few cute things into the pot... but, it's just porn. I ended up molesting a very baked cardinal.
Relationships: Cardi C/Dix
Series: à la carte [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383064
Comments: 11
Kudos: 12





	1. Chapter 1

Dix stepped into a darkened room. She had had an appallingly hot bath, & gripped her flaming pink rabbit covertly by her side. A blast of densely scented steam preceded her.

The TV was on. That is to say, porn was on the TV, which was on.

She knew this porn. She felt delightfully languid, & encountered a different, but very distinct, cloud of smoke.

"Why are the lights out, babe?" she asked him.

When had she started doing that, all the time? She never used to. It was silly. He looked like he was in his 60's.

And, yes... she knew the Clergy tried to sell it otherwise.

"TV's on." he managed to sneak around a mouthful of smoke.

"The TV's not lights." she put on the little nightstand lamp. "Where's the toy box?"

He sat up to peer at her, over the back of the couch.

"Ah." he looked to where he'd moved it, "Did you have a nice bath, pet?"

She smiled, still steamy.

"It had its moments."

"Bene, bene..." he turned, & she heard him take a massive toke.

She sauntered over to what had basically become their kitchenette. It had been a wet bar. It still had Terzo's mini-fridge, & they had added a hot plate.

The excitement was _endless_.

She flipped on the overhead light, & looked for her bottle of Moscato...

Half bottle of Moscato.

She glared over her shoulder, to find him sitting sideways.

Good grief.

She hiked up the short skirt to her flannel nightgown. He exhaled before clapping slowly, a half a joint glowing in his heavy crystal ashtray.

She shook her head. _Where was the cheese?_

He cleared his throat, awkwardly.

"We're out of cheese."

"We're out- We? It was _my_ cheese!"

"That nice block of Gouda?"

"Well, it wasn't a whole block... Some creepy old rat stole my cheese."

"I know nothing."

She sighed & rummaged through a tiny cabinet, producing a box of Cheez-Its. She grabbed a wine glass, & headed over to the couch.

It was a very nice couch. It was new, & she'd selected it, herself. It was small & practical, with plush, but firm, cushions. It was pomegranate red & had washable upholstery.

At the moment, he matched it perfectly. She clapped happily, forgetting that he'd also drunk half of her wine, at some point.

"You're wearing your new pajamas!"

He frowned.

"I feel like they're grandpa pajamas."

They were red plaid flannel, just like her nightshirt.

"Are they warm?"

"...Yes."

"Are they _soft_?" she grinned.

"...Yes." he pouted, going back to smoking. He was a bit al dente, apparently _not_ due to the porn.

"No." he admitted, & she felt the subtle brush of him in her mind. "You're not wearing underwear."

They sat companionably, & she munched her crackers.

"Those... Those are _not_ cheese."

"Careful, thief."

He watched the porn, obviously not impressed. It was an orgy fantasy, with one female, multiple males, & excessive fellatio.

"Dix?"

"Hmm?" he'd gotten back sooner than she'd expected. Her lady parts still hummed from her bath.

"This is porn."

"How _dare_ you?" she tried for indignance, but, ended up snorting.

He leaned forward, kissing her, his tongue sliding easily between her lips to share a mouthful of smoke. She held it for a long while, before finally exhaling through her nose.

"It's curated by women-" she continued.

"If I-" he made a face, "did _that_ , you'd bop me one."

They were all jerking off on the woman, & she couldn't be happier.

She shrugged.

"To each their own."

He handed her what was now a nubbin of a joint.

"Which ghoul?"

He became evasive.

"I don't remember."

"Riiight."

"They all look the same."

She giggled, knowing that they weren't all _built_ the same.

He sat back, letting his head roll & closing his eyes. He'd stripped off his makeup.

_Had he been in the bathroom?_

"No." he shook his head, "Cotton balls."

Ah. He _did_ smell rather strongly of baby oil. She hadn't placed it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Y'all have been warned.  
> This is where it goes profoundly smutty...  
> And, still silly.  
> Because I'm not quite wrapped right.

He was _splendidly_ high, & she adored him thusly. He became ridiculously sweet & sensitive... & would moan & groan dramatically.

She snuffed out the end of the joint. It had been rolled perfectly.

"So... Where to begin?"

He smiled at her lazily.

Smugly.

She grasped him over the soft flannel of his pants, slowly stroking & feeling him rise.

_"Ohh-"_

"Want me to turn off the porn?"

"I'll do it." he watched her bypass the old-school snap fly, & just pull down the waist. "I'd rather have watched you in the bath... Did you hide what you were doing in the water; all secretive?"

She smirked.

"Now, you know better than that." she wrapped a hand around him, thumb gently pressing to trace the thick veins. "I got up on my knees, to see what I was doing."

"Keep going."

"I mean... I had to guide the thing in, & the tickly bit has to sit _just_ so. I had to cycle through the different speeds-"

"How did you hold it?"

She smiled. He knew all of this.

"I held it down by the base; well... with _one_ hand-"

He was moving in her grip.

"Yesss. I should've watched you, instead."

It was nice to be wanted.

"I was _dripping_ wet. I started moving, &... _fucking_ myself. I couldn't help it."

"I can't help this." he rasped, yanking her skirt up, again.

"Like what you see?"

"Mmm... cherry-vanilla cunt. My very favorite."

She raised her eyebrows. She knew _just_ what he was about to do. She dropped to her knees, before him.

She kept the nightshirt up, sticking her ass out & spreading her legs wide, for him to watch in his old Venetian glass mirror.

He grinned crookedly, & she fought a bit more with his pants... wanting his balls.

"Ohh, God- Oh, yeah-" he wiggled as she tickled & squeezed, before finally lifting his coin purse to lick the neat little seam down the middle.

The wiggle became a desperate squirm as she licked her lips to suck him thoroughly. He started tugging at his manhood, watching her earnestly.

His foreskin retracted completely, leaving his glistening crown fully exposed. His slit was weeping, & she leaned to trace it with the tip of her tongue.

"Oh, no... Oh, no-" he writhed, & she took him into her mouth, angling so that he ended up pressed against the inside of her cheek. He moaned pitifully, holding the side of her face & carefully thrusting into his hand.

He grunted & groaned, until finally begging her,

"You _must_ stop."

She did, secretly grateful. Her neck was beginning to protest, & her butt was getting a chill. He stood as she did, lifting her to carry the small distance to the bed. He deposited her gently, before executing a kind of graceless dive, himself.

He rolled onto his back, folding his hands on his chest & looking completely absurd, with his nuts peeking out from under his pajama top. He also had a cute teepee on display.

"Now what?" she smiled.

He considered for a moment.

"Are you cold?"

It was more damp than cold.

"Do you mind?" he asked, hopefully.

She pulled off the nightshirt. He cleared his throat rather dramatically.

"Sit on my face, & tell me that you love me-"

She snorted.

"I'll sit on your face & tell you I love you, too-"

_"Stahp!"_

"I love to hear you o-ra-lize, when I'm between your thighs..."

She went back to exposing him.

"No, no... you naughty girl. No more of that."

She looked at him quizzically.

"If your lovely tulips come anywhere near my organ again right away, I will not be responsible for what happens."

"Oh? Well, how do you want me?"

He pushed her on her back. He kissed her, climbing on top of her & spreading her legs, to settle in between.

"Bareback in disgrace..." he ground against her.

She started pulling at his top, craving contact with his cool skin. He pulled it off, tossing it to the side before starting to work his way down her body.

"God, you smell good-" he growled, somewhere between her boobs & belly button.

"You like?" he answered with an affirmative grunt. "It's some boutique vanilla musk stuff... It's pretty potent."

"I could _devour_ you." he paused to press a reverential little kiss between her legs.

"Well, technically, I suppose you- _Ohhh_."

He pushed one leg far to the side & went down.

One thing about when he ate her out... He _stared_ , if at all possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Monty Python goes back... WAY back.
> 
> ...
> 
> (I *would* enjoy Cardi singing it to me, though.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I snuck in a little plot! 😏  
> (Ties into "Xmas Tale"...)

She stared right back, getting off on that mismatched gaze. She bit her lip, rolling her head back for just a second...

Mismatched-

_Green-_

She gasped.

Ever the attentive devil, he caught on instantly.

"Ah. Remembering things, pet?"

"I-"

"I've been waiting for it. There's been this weird, fuzzy black hole in your mind since before Christmas."

He went right back to what he had been doing, sticking his tongue up her hole.

"How can you- Ohh, that's good." she wiggled, tangling her fingers in his hair.

"I'm still hungry." he said, by way of explanation.

"Snarky old thing."

He blinked at her, all twisted innocence. Apparently, he awaited her revelation.

"Not really. I think I got the gist of it."

"You're high."

"Darling, _you're_ the one broadcasting."

She sighed.

"Take your pants off. I want to see your pretty ass."

"Yes, ma'am." he got on his knees to comply, pushing them down, & searing her with that image. "Go ahead & tell me. You'll feel better."

She scrubbed her hands over her face.

"He pulled my sweats down, & bit my thigh."

He was busy finishing with the pants, next to her.

"And, then... I bit _his_ neck."

He turned on his side, lazily stroking large swaths of her porcelain skin.

"How many times did you come?"

She flushed terribly.

He grasped her hip, & pulled her to mirror him.

"And this upset you?"

"Well... it's kind of a binding."

"Kind of." he agreed, moving closer. "But, not really."

She laughed awkwardly.

"Mine." he said softly, hooking her leg around him.

She nodded against him, as he probed her with the tip of his cock.

"Say it."

"Y-yours." she stammered, as he guided himself into her.

"Very good." he gripped her ass to finish filling her, "Sì, sì... _Molto_ bene."

He was back to his lock-stare. She glanced up at the mirrors, momentarily. He tilted her back, for just a bit more leverage.

She tried to focus, something she didn't do so often... Basil's head-space tended to be a morbid place on the best of days.

_Sideways! So good. Why didn't they- Lovely how her tits pressed together like that... Sweet of her to worry what he thought- Tight. Fuck. He wouldn't last, at this angle-_

She kissed him, tasting herself & knowing it would be that way for hours.

"Enjoy your visit?"

She leaned to nibble his earlobe.

"You feel so good-" she breathed.

He slowed just slightly, hardening even more.

"Succubus. God _damn_ , woman."

She grinned, rubbing against his slight chest.

"I _could_ go on."

He watched her taut nipples, eyes narrowed.

"Do it. I _dare_ you."

She rolled her hips to meet him.

"More?"

"Oh, God- _You_ said it."

His eyes fluttered ominously.

_Sooner than later._

She bit her lip.

"Come inside me, Basil."

Just a bit later, he was laying on his back, with her curled up next to him. Her head rested on the faded burn on his chest.

"It will be Valentine's, soon." he observed.

"Yes, & February the 15th..."

He stroked her spine lightly.

"We should do something."

She pressed a kiss at the curve of his neck.

"I'm no more dead than I've ever been."

He lingered, fingers softly drumming her tail bone.

"We should still do something."

She looked at him, before kissing him sweetly.

"I've got everything I need."

_~Fin._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me y'all wouldn't ask for his pretty ass.  
> ...  
> I don't believe you.
> 
> I *may* do a Valentine-y thing... Or, a prequel thing. Perhaps both. We shall see.
> 
> Give kudos, if you haven't.  
> Tell me what you think.  
> 💝

**Author's Note:**

> WIP, y'all.  
> Not that anyone cares...  
> This all started with the grandpa pajamas.  
> Cardi kept bringing up the Mary-on-a last tour.  
> The lady porn is bellesa... The "DEEPER" stuff is downright interesting.
> 
> Enjoy my gratuitous trip down the rabbit hole. 😉


End file.
